Looking forward to Ukrainian medicine, or lack thereof

I stopped in for a meeting with Petro today, the University's multimedia jack-of-all-trades. He works in the 'information office,' or the PR, photo, video, advertising and secretarial office all rolled into one. At Marquette, this might be an army of 50-100 people, but at UCU, there are about 15 that do it all. I have to hand it to them, they do a heckuva job.

Petro(Ukrainian for 'Peter') was admiring my D300 and we were discussing assignments when a woman ran to the door, chattered something in Ukrainian and Petro leaped over me and out the door. I waited a few minutes before Petro returned and told me a woman had fainted in the office. I offered to help and got a blank stare, as if "wait, you know what faint means?"

I remember shock treatment from Boy Scouts: elevate the legs 6-12 inches, cover them in a blanket, use a moist towel on their forehead, give them air. Her pulse was strong and so was her breathing, and she kept coming in and out of shock to sputter moans and stilted phrases of chattery Ukrainian. Now, I'm not a doctor, but having grown up with one all my life, I felt fairly confident I was treating her somewhat effectively. I wasn't so sure about my Ukrainian compatriots.

I was particularly amused/dismayed by their practice of dabbing cotton balls in alcohol and sticking them under her nose, which only served to cut the oxygen off long enough for her to jolt awake and then fall back into shock. I wouldn't let them lower her legs, but it seems like medical training is in short supply here. However, when somebody did call the University doctor, she showed up in moments and took over. 

In case of bodily harm, I'm considering reverting to my dog's method of self-medication: eating grass and clover until I purge my body via toilet.